marshtide: (Default)
[personal profile] marshtide
What does one do when one feels on the edge of panic just trying to post something fairly non-controversial and otherwise not very dramatic?

It was hard work putting up my previous post, and got to the stage where I couldn't really work at it any more or make it be what I wanted it to be. I tend to be perfectionist, and I tend to permanently feel that I'm doing something wrong. I worry too hard about other people's judgements, particularly as I feel I'm surrounded by people who are basically smarter than me. I can manage to feel like an impostor while keeping a quiet journal with a very small audience, off in a corner of the internet!

This is not the sort of thing I was hoping to post about in this journal at all, to be honest, but it's clearly setting itself up as an obstacle to actual content.

How does one say what one really feels, and not fight against this all the time? I don't know, and it's actually getting extremely wearing pretty fast. The feeling that one is basically wrong about most things is not one I care for, but not one I've had much luck in persuading to leave over the last few years.

Date: 2010-04-28 11:46 pm (UTC)
love: (Default)
From: [personal profile] love
You get to be like me, fudge around for 2 years, and then you finally crash through to the other side? ^_^;

Date: 2010-04-29 01:04 pm (UTC)
love: (Default)
From: [personal profile] love
You did just move to a different place, and you are learning a new language. ^_^ I'd expect that to push the breakthrough back a bit.

Date: 2010-04-28 11:56 pm (UTC)
silveradept: A kodama with a trombone. The trombone is playing music, even though it is held in a rest position (Default)
From: [personal profile] silveradept
Oh, hai, fellow traveler of Impostor Syndrome. Invoke the sign of warding against Ceiling Cat, who watches all and passes judgment without any of the facts.

More seriously, I've managed to turn the fact that there are very smart people around me into an asset - when I'm wrong, or not quite 100%, I just pummel them with questions asking for more information until I've got it right. Then the edit button is my friend.

Saying what you really feel is a big step sometimes, because it tests the audience to see where they stand, too, and whether the relationships forged so far will stick or splinter.

I've found that an easy shortcut into it is to find someone else talking about it and write why they're right or why they couldn't find their own asterisks with two hands, a map, and a flashlight. You say what you want to say by finding the schmuck who thinks you're the one who's wrong and deranged.

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