marshtide: (Default)
[personal profile] marshtide
So I've been reading Beata Arnborg's biography of Barbro Alving, AKA Bang, who was a famous Swedish journalist (amongst other things a war correspondant). My favourite feminist magazine is named after her. That's how awesome she was. Anyway, right now Bang is a teenager and this is not going to be really about her but we're starting from the bit where she is basically a really depressed baby butch with massive food problems and who isn't sure that she is, wants to be or has the right to be a woman. I SADFACE SO MUCH. This is also doing some heavy poking at my own stuff, of course...

(I've gone up in weight significantly this year because well you know I couldn't walk for half of it and then it was summer and we ate lots of ice cream. I have panic about my weight and more specificially about my health; I get afraid of food easily, particularly anything with sugar in because o hai family history of diabetes, and when that happens I fall into eating a cycle where I alternately eat ALL THE THINGS or none of them. This is where I am trying not to go just now. Meanwhile I have a father who is completely food obsessed in a health-freak kind of way and other family members who talk constantly about their diets.

Also v. few of my clothes fit and my mother is working away from home so I can't beg her to send on some of my old clothes that I think may be lying in drawers there. Also I would be afraid to anyway because, as my brain helpfully informs me, she might lecture me about my weight. And we sure don't have money for new ones.

Note that I've not actually become massively overweight - I've gone up from an all-time low which wasn't particularly healthy - and that I'm back on an exercise routine. I do keep telling myself that the actual weight I am is not as important as feeling healthy and a significant part of me does, yes, believe that. BUT.)

(ALSO one day I will be rich and I will have many clothes so that I can find something to match how I feel about gender and my body on any given day. This is basically rarely the same from one day to the next and AAAAARGH. Right now, see above, I have one pair of trousers that fits properly and another two which I can squeeze uncomfortably into.)

Date: 2011-08-21 07:05 pm (UTC)
crystal: (Default)
From: [personal profile] crystal
Like you said, considering you're going from being very thin (by normal-people standards) to probably-normal-sized, I don't think you should worry. But I understand that feeling of having your clothes suddenly not fit, and being unable to buy clothes that don't really fit in the right sense anyway.

XD The other day I went to parents' for dinner and my dad told me "You should stop eating so much and be more careful -- you're really fat now, you know."

Date: 2011-08-21 07:51 pm (UTC)
jae: (Default)
From: [personal profile] jae
Let me reassure you that having enough money to buy more clothes than you really need (well, and being old enough to have accumulated lots of cute clothes over time, too) really is a solution to this. My weight can vary dramatically in a year, but I've got clothes that I feel good in all of my likely sizes.


Date: 2011-08-21 10:46 pm (UTC)
chairman_wow: picture of my faaaace (Cock Flavoured)
From: [personal profile] chairman_wow
Argh, I relate to this post a lot. I just wrote and then deleted half a post of my own here, but I should probably keep that for my own blog. Suffice it to say that I, too, am running low on trousers that fit well. (Also my boobs have grown so that I actually get cleavage now. Which I have extremely mixed feelings about. I mean, I like having them, but...)

Currently I'm consoling myself by thinking up an exercise routine for after I graduate that will get me those muscles I've always wanted to have. Also probably getting a haircut.

Date: 2011-08-22 04:21 am (UTC)
shadowings: (Default)
From: [personal profile] shadowings
sometimes i wonder how any of us made it through our teenage years.

argh, having family members that give you lectures on overemphasized and sensitive things like weight is the worst.

Date: 2011-08-24 10:37 am (UTC)
eggcrack: Icon based on the painting "Kullervon kirous ja sotaanlahto" (Default)
From: [personal profile] eggcrack
Oh, how I can relate to this. There are this pair of jeans that I can either fit perfectly into or that will hang loose around me, depending on how big or small I happen to be at the time, and I have trousers that I haven't worn in a while that I'm scared to try on in case they're too small for me. I didn't do much moving for about a year because of various health issues, but I'm back to an exercise routine now (even if I slip from few times) and I need to work on getting my diet fixed. We shouldn't be worrying this much about these things, but in this world it can't sort of be helped.

/probably TMI, tl;dr is that I can relate and feel sympathy. ♥


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