marshtide: (Default)
[personal profile] marshtide
So I've been reading Beata Arnborg's biography of Barbro Alving, AKA Bang, who was a famous Swedish journalist (amongst other things a war correspondant). My favourite feminist magazine is named after her. That's how awesome she was. Anyway, right now Bang is a teenager and this is not going to be really about her but we're starting from the bit where she is basically a really depressed baby butch with massive food problems and who isn't sure that she is, wants to be or has the right to be a woman. I SADFACE SO MUCH. This is also doing some heavy poking at my own stuff, of course...

(I've gone up in weight significantly this year because well you know I couldn't walk for half of it and then it was summer and we ate lots of ice cream. I have panic about my weight and more specificially about my health; I get afraid of food easily, particularly anything with sugar in because o hai family history of diabetes, and when that happens I fall into eating a cycle where I alternately eat ALL THE THINGS or none of them. This is where I am trying not to go just now. Meanwhile I have a father who is completely food obsessed in a health-freak kind of way and other family members who talk constantly about their diets.

Also v. few of my clothes fit and my mother is working away from home so I can't beg her to send on some of my old clothes that I think may be lying in drawers there. Also I would be afraid to anyway because, as my brain helpfully informs me, she might lecture me about my weight. And we sure don't have money for new ones.

Note that I've not actually become massively overweight - I've gone up from an all-time low which wasn't particularly healthy - and that I'm back on an exercise routine. I do keep telling myself that the actual weight I am is not as important as feeling healthy and a significant part of me does, yes, believe that. BUT.)

(ALSO one day I will be rich and I will have many clothes so that I can find something to match how I feel about gender and my body on any given day. This is basically rarely the same from one day to the next and AAAAARGH. Right now, see above, I have one pair of trousers that fits properly and another two which I can squeeze uncomfortably into.)
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