Brain-ghosts.

[marshtide]

1. When I saw my doctor last week she took me to task for not believing in my own point of view, emotions, ideas. It's true; I absolutely don't. It makes it hard to speak, post, write, decide what to have for dinner. I am saying this out loud, again, because I need to tell myself, again (and again and again and again), that it's a perception error, not reality, that I have no worth & nothing to say.

Not being the most talented person in the world is not the same as being worthless. Being wrong is not a disaster. Food is not out to get me.* I'm definitely allowed to post in my own space about things I don't think other people will be very interested in; "I wanted to say it" is a reason sometimes & being boring isn't actually a crime. Not everything has to be perfect. Producing imperfect results doesn't mean I'm a terrible human being. Maybe I'm really not a good writer like wot my brain tells me so often, but if so, that doesn't mean I have nothing to offer anyone at all.

* except assorted grains, which totally are.


2. Isen på Riddarfjärden
smäller som gevär
Blåljus vid Tegelbacken
Våren är här
Du står i spegelsalen
med ett brännbollsträ
Där ute väntar natten
på att stan ska implodera

I'm kind of fascinated.

("The ice on Riddarfjärden
cracks like guns
Blue lights at Tegelbacken
The spring is here
You stand in the hall of mirrors
with a rounders bat
Out there the night waits
for the city to implode"

... or something like that. I think.)

(There! This is boring and totally pointless because I refuse to elaborate at this time on why I find it interesting and I'M POSTING IT ANYWAY. Take THAT, brain!)


3. My writing process right now:

On Monday, I opened a word document. I wrote five words.

On Tuesday I turned the five words into an actual sentence by the cunning addition of punctuation, and added a second sentence. I got annoyed, opened a new word document and made notes on something completely different.

Today I went back to the first document and changed around a few things in the first two sentences, turned them into a paragraph, and began working on a second paragraph. It was about then that my subconscious realised what it was letting me get away with and decided that the sky must be about to fall.

I do wish it wouldn't do that.

Comments

[crystal]

You're absolutely allowed to post anything you want in your own space (>__> though I have this problem as well). And your writing really isn't bad.

Lyrics win.

Also that's a relaxing way to write, I think. My writing process starts with swearing a lot and having cake.

[marshtide]

I often having a hard time being convinced it's good either though! I'm not compliment-fishing. It's just how it is; that one will be intensely aware of flaws. It's what I do with that awareness that needs work, along with not over-emphasising the flaws and problems I can see.

not... quite so relaxing as all that, to be honest.

[crystal]

Thing is, your writing is good enough that nobody notices the flaws--or if they do they don't care. So yes, working on your perception will be a good thing =)

Still, that's two more paragraphs than I've written in weeks. Good job XD

[marshtide]

That's absolutely only true for fandom where people are already invested enough in the characters to overlook more problems so long as some key aspects are nailed. I really do think that. Fandom can produce excellent writing but the general scale on which it's judged is so often different from non-fan writing. People are, generally speaking, there for different things.

[crystal]

I agree. But your nonfandom stuff is still good. Wish I got a chance to read more of it. <3

[annotated_em]

Bah to your not being a good writer. Your writing is good. *pokes you*

[marshtide]

*wry* It's extra tough to think about that stuff at the moment since I haven't been writing much, which my brain of course takes as a "so clearly you could never do it in the first place" if given the least room to maneuver.

[silveradept]

Mm. Bad brain. No biscuit. But good that you're trying to work through it. And your post is getting me to get off of sitting on one of mine about embracing error. So you're inspiring someone else to write, too.