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marshtideIn the middle of march my older cousin got married in Edinburgh. I made it there on crutches and dosed up on the strongest medication that the healthcare system can provide outside of a hospital, and I was glad I did, because the ceremony was lovely and I got to see some of my favourite family members (I don't have a close relationship with very many people in my family at all).
Only one less than wonderful thing happened, and I have a feeling that I should just be letting it go, but you guys, it just keeps playing back in my head.
I'm not very good at not getting angry.
We were sat on a table with some distant relatives of the groom's, i.e. no-one I'd ever met before, and my brother. We made small talk fairly successfully. They weren't that far away from us in age and viewed themselves as liberal, open-minded people - we had been placed thoughtfully, basically, and well away from any stuffy uncles who might feel the need to make loud jokes about lesbians once they'd had a drink or two.
But then, like idiots, we got into a conversation about politics.
(Cue the threatening music.)
Gay marriage went ok, although there was a fair amount of "people like you" going on.
We could all agree that European immigration politics are fucked.
But then! Then!
Then we talked about spending cuts.
Well, said the guy who was most politically interested, I don't think they're very bad. It'll be fine.
They mostly affect people who're already worse off, though, I pointed out (possibly less coherently than this, I admit). Women, immigrants, single parents, the disabled, the unemployed, people from working class backgrounds.
Oh, he said, but you shouldn't listen to the statistics on that, he said. They're so politicised.
The thing is, he said, people get used to having things. They get used to being entitled to benefits. They get entitled. That doesn't mean they are entitled to everything they want.
BUT, I said, and probably fortunately for all, we got cut off at that point by someone standing up to give a speech. The conversation was not resumed and no fight broke out in the middle of what was otherwise a lovely wedding.
But I keep thinking BUT, damn it.
Let's translate this position of his into the reality that people are dealing with.
It goes something like, The thing is, people get used to being able to eat. They get used to being entitled to a home and to not starving because they can't work. They get all entitled about it not being legal to treat them as less human than anyone else. That doesn't mean they have the right to actually be treated like people...
One day I will learn to just not engage.
I am vaguely hoping that now I have written this out I'll be able to stop thinking about it! WE'LL SEE. ;;
Only one less than wonderful thing happened, and I have a feeling that I should just be letting it go, but you guys, it just keeps playing back in my head.
I'm not very good at not getting angry.
We were sat on a table with some distant relatives of the groom's, i.e. no-one I'd ever met before, and my brother. We made small talk fairly successfully. They weren't that far away from us in age and viewed themselves as liberal, open-minded people - we had been placed thoughtfully, basically, and well away from any stuffy uncles who might feel the need to make loud jokes about lesbians once they'd had a drink or two.
But then, like idiots, we got into a conversation about politics.
(Cue the threatening music.)
Gay marriage went ok, although there was a fair amount of "people like you" going on.
We could all agree that European immigration politics are fucked.
But then! Then!
Then we talked about spending cuts.
Well, said the guy who was most politically interested, I don't think they're very bad. It'll be fine.
They mostly affect people who're already worse off, though, I pointed out (possibly less coherently than this, I admit). Women, immigrants, single parents, the disabled, the unemployed, people from working class backgrounds.
Oh, he said, but you shouldn't listen to the statistics on that, he said. They're so politicised.
The thing is, he said, people get used to having things. They get used to being entitled to benefits. They get entitled. That doesn't mean they are entitled to everything they want.
BUT, I said, and probably fortunately for all, we got cut off at that point by someone standing up to give a speech. The conversation was not resumed and no fight broke out in the middle of what was otherwise a lovely wedding.
But I keep thinking BUT, damn it.
Let's translate this position of his into the reality that people are dealing with.
It goes something like, The thing is, people get used to being able to eat. They get used to being entitled to a home and to not starving because they can't work. They get all entitled about it not being legal to treat them as less human than anyone else. That doesn't mean they have the right to actually be treated like people...
One day I will learn to just not engage.
I am vaguely hoping that now I have written this out I'll be able to stop thinking about it! WE'LL SEE. ;;
no subject
Date: 2011-05-01 01:09 pm (UTC)Yeah, you know, they say you win more people over with sweetness, but when folks say crap like that, they forget that boors like the one you encountered aren't interested in being won over. And they forget what it's like to be told "You don't actually have a right to exist." The idea that we're supposed to--while under such dire attack, from someone both bigoted and (probably) defensive about their bigotry--eloquently defend ourselves or others, while the opponent fights us every step of the way, most likely interrupting, browbeating, or using semantic trickery to avoid acknowledging the legitimacy of what we're saying...well, what are we, superheroes?
I'm all for doing whatever feels best and safest and most satisfying in those cases. Withdraw, hit them on the head with a vase, whatever. ;) But seriously...what were you supposed to DO, when presented with that response? It's so difficult.
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Date: 2011-05-01 02:18 pm (UTC)There's a difference in my view between that kind of complete unwillingness to look/refusal to admit there's anything to look at and someone who hasn't really thought through the full consequences of their standpoint but is willing to listen. Bah.
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Date: 2011-05-02 04:30 am (UTC)idek, he's saying that people start feeling entitled? sir of the entitled group? gosh, that is seriously wack.
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Date: 2011-05-03 06:06 pm (UTC)Yes indeed. The straight white dude with a good job thinks those damn single mothers should stop whining. (Added joy in that my partner has an 11 year old kid that she raised by herself, my brother is long-term unemployed, and I'd entered the room on crutches. I am not permanently disabled but he didn't fucking know that. The atmosphere was truly delightful for a moment there.)